Thank You

There is a certain way that my young people say thank you that gets me. After one of them does it, I feel my heart click, stopping mid pump, and I get a small tender pain in my chest. Then my entire body warms and I cannot help but smile, tilt my head, and thank God for the great responsibility and possibility I have in my job.

This happened to me mid-week last week. Derek had a bad week with the Program. He was late, didn't show back up after an appointment, and in general had a poor attitude. I was immediately concerned when he got into an altercation with one of my young ladies, and put drywall mud in her hair. Now, the act alone was enough to make me boil a little bit, but I found myself more worried than anything because this was so out of character for Derek.

Before students are enrolled in YB, they have to participate in a ten-day orientation called Mental Toughness. During Mental Toughness, Derek was a star student. From day one, the entire staff was on board with Derek's admittance into the Program. He was shy, and when he spoke he would face down toward his shoes, but look up. It was among the most endearing and pitiful things I have seen in my time working with 16-24 year old young adults. It was apparent Derek valued this opportunity and was prepared to make the most of it. He was nice to his peers, was easy to get along with, and very complacently followed directions.

How you are raised very much sets a precedent for your ability to cope with the outside world. It decides if you were taught to persevere or crumble and if it was within your ability to rely on confident people around you, or grin and bear it. At the end of the calendar year Derek's world came apart a little bit. He was taught to grin and bear the pain, but as it happens with most of our young people, he could only contain his hurt for so long.

Derek began being defensive, tardy, disrespectful, and acted as if he literally had an inability to follow even the simplest direction (take your hat off). His nonchalant attitude made me realize that for the time being, my aspiration for Derek to succeed surpassed his own desire. It was time for a sit down.

After circling the issue with Derek, trying Socratically to make him come to his own realization, I finally let it out that the life he was living was simply not good enough and that Derek had shown us and himself that he was better. He was better than his immature attitude and behavior. He was better than rolling into work whenever he felt like it. He was better than rolling his eyes and pretending like he didn't care -- because I believe in him and know he believes in himself. After 45 minutes we both needed a break from the conversation so I talked to some other kids who came in for bus passes and other small needs.

When I went back to my office, Derek met me asking for a note for a service agency that needed confirmation of Derek's employment. I wrote the letter, asking confirmation question and let him read it before signing and sealing it. I wrote thoroughly of Derek's potential, work ethic, and level of respect. When I handed it back to him he took it, stood, started walking. He stopped mid-step looked back and said, "thank you Mrs. Frech, thank you". It was the tone of the second gratitude that let me know he didn't just mean about the letter. Heart click, body warm, eternal gratitude. Nothing is better than that thank you.