Determined. I was determined to have all of my students on grade level when they left my classroom. Urgent. It was important RIGHT NOW that they grow, learn to LOVE learning, and succeed. Stubborn. My students were going to learn, and they were going to learn based on how I was teaching them and there was no way you could move me from my mountain. Jared. In two quarters knocked me off my high horse and into the world of it-is-not-just-if-they-learn-but-how-they-act-while-doing-it.
Let me start off by saying that this story is not going to leave you feeling warm and fuzzy when you are finished reading it. Teaching Jared is one of my all time greatest failures as an educator. Let me make sure you understand what I am saying, Jared was not a failure, my teaching and lack of patience failed on him.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I taught a class of 6th and 7th grade students. I taught for two hours straight while students exited and entered my room for their lunch, end of the bell, or beginning of the next class. This 6th-7th blended class was large for a special education classroom, ranging from 14-18 students. By the time Jared entered the mix, he was around number 15.
Giving students a fair chance to succeed in your classroom is important, and in an effort to give every student a fighting chance I never let their previous teachers tell me war stories about them. I rarely read student files and gossiping about students was out of the question. I had heard one thing about Jared upon his arrival -- he struggles with authority.
.........(did this person know I taught an all boys 8th grade class during the last block of the day, most of whom didn't like each other and surely didn't like the girl that was making them read, write, learn, evaluate, and analyze instead of draw, color and sleep)......I responded okay.
Right. Saying that Jared struggled with authority became the understatement of the year. This is like saying Charlie Sheen struggles with reality.
My students were bright. Jared was an academic all-star. Me, thinking I knew everything about students, and believing Jared just needed an outlet for all that pent-up anger, gave Jared a journal that he was to write in every day. So he wrote, and he wrote developed complex sentences. At first in fact, he did everything I asked him to do, write, silently read, complete punnet squares, and walk quietly to lunch. Not only did he comply, he did them all well. I began to worry about my ability to enrich Jared enough that he wouldn't grow bored in class. After approaching my administrator about perhaps moving him to a more challenging room, we investigated and found out the reasons he needed to be in a smaller setting.
None of them were academic.
About four weeks into Jared coming he started slipping in small ways. He would lag behind in the lunch line. This lag became so great he would show up late for class after lunch. Alright buddy, you just earned yourself the coveted role of line leader. Congratulations, you are one step from having to hold my hand through an 8th grade hallway just so I don't lose you.
Next came the sleeping in class.
Finally, Jared did something in another class that landed him a suspension.
Now a GREAT teacher would have taken this time to reflect and strategize ways to reach this young mind. Did I truly believe Jared was a "bad kid". No. I knew he could follow-rules, and learn, and pay attention because for four weeks he did so. But instead of me doing what I could and standing firm on my commitment to give EVERY student an excellent education, I rejoiced in my new smaller class and let the days roll by. Wow, that is embarrassing, appalling, and not in line at all with the teaching methods I believed in.
Not long after his return Jared and I had a very bad interaction in the cafeteria. After flicking off a peer and telling them to f-off, I told Jared he needed to be aware of where he was and who is around him. Didn't even bust him on it.He responded by flicking me off and calling me a bitch. The end.
Upon his re-arrival to my classroom after his consequences, Jared made another bad decision and he left for the remainder of the school year. I felt relieved.
I did not respected Jared's rights for a meaningful education. I was so wrapped up in his disrespect to even try to evaluate how I could develop a system to teach him. It was my job to educate Jared and I failed. People call this a "learning opportunity". Students aren't learning opportunities. Should Jared struggle in his life, I would have done nothing to help it and that is one large regret in my educational career.
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