The Choice of Following Convictions

When I finished Teach for America a year ago I had a choice. Even through the tough economy there were several jobs that came up that I could do; interning for a major company, taking another shot at collegiate athletics, entering a management in training program, and the list goes on. I applied for all of these positions with a constant tapping on my shoulder reminding me what the Lord was not going to let me forget – my heart was made for urban youth. I tried to run away from it, thought I would put it on hold for now, but that was not His plan, so it was not able to be mine either.
I think I knew from the beginning of my job search that I couldn’t ignore what it was my life’s intention of doing. I remember having a conversation with John that went something like this,
“I wish I could just do whatever I wanted to do”
“You can”
“No, I like urban kids. Not everyone can say that, and I have to take that into account”
(Poor John’s blank stare)
You see when I walk down Madison Avenue in Covington, Elm in Cincinnati or Kennedy in Atlanta and I see boarded up buildings, kids sitting on the corner, and loud car stereos – I am not afraid. I want to know why those kids aren’t in school, what I can do to help and I want to know each of their stories. I know that they won’t hurt me because I am supposed to be there. I have never felt like an outsider regardless of my skin color, body size, or annoyingly cheerful demeanor. Until recently I never understood that, and now I know that is the Lord’s protection. He carefully walks His people through the tasks he has established in their lives. When we fulfill the Lord’s provision he is endless with his blessings. Mine, always, is safety. Safety in a classroom with gang members, safety down a street where there is obvious violence, safety in a home – in the projects, waiting for a parent to come home.
I know there are lots of opinions concerning what I spend my time doing. My father who constantly says and I am sure thinks “it just shouldn’t be that hard to do what you do” to my friends who are convinced I am saving the world. Saving the world? I don’t think so. That is His job and honestly I am not up for it. Serving my kids in the best way I know how; simply put is being obedient to His calling. To be completely honest – I do not always like it. Straight forward my trainees can be mouthy, rude, and ungrateful. But to my early quote about “being better” it is my job to change that.
I am 25 years old and placed with an intense responsibility to change the life of thirty kids (I use this term loosely as some of them are my age). But that responsibility was given to me by God, and I know that he will not burden me with more than I can handle. In a room of three staff members I have to be the voice of thirty individuals who may be homeless, hungry, poor, unskilled, and scared. It is my job to protect the anawim – to be the Samaritan. This is an intense opportunity with incredible responsibility. Sometimes, I am not sure I am the right woman for the job. But in connection with another blog, the Lord gives me a moment – a student gets his G.E.D., another finally learns how to respond to his boss or a student comes in says “Word” and walks out.
Not everyone is called to my work. But, we are all called to serve the thirsty, tired, and hungry. Matthew 25 clearly states that the Kingdom of Heaven is meant for those who gave Him a drink when he was thirsty, a bed when he was tired, and food when he was hungry. I am not perfect at this. I turn my back when I shouldn’t. I roll my eyes instead of trying to understand, and sometimes I say no when the answer should be yes. My point is this; the Lord convicts us strongly and makes it impossible to turn our back to it. So should you buy me a cape anytime soon? Please don’t. Pray for me. Pray that I continue to have the strength to fight adversity, explain time and again that my kids are juveniles, not juvenile delinquents, and that I am a leader seeking after Him in my decisions.